For anyone who has bookmarked this page or subscribed to my blog, first of all THANK YOU for taking time out of your day to read what I write. I sincerely appreciate it.
I am moving my blog to a new site (a good thing--means enough people are reading it to necessitate more blog options) so you can follow me there!
The new address is www.lindsayrossblog.com
It is still under some construction so stick with me until I can get things running smoothly.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Thursday, August 21, 2014
"Hi my name is......" Let's talk about addiction
I knew when I first started conceptualizing this blog I would talk a lot about addiction on here. The world of addiction has been a huge part of my life and my story, taught me many valuable life lessons, and has played a critical role in how I view the world and other people. And this is MY story with addiction. My opinions. My experiences.
I realize addiction comes in many shapes and sizes. And the experiences are varied. My experiences, heartaches, triumphs, and lessons learned were largely shaped through the world of addiction to drugs and alcohol.
Addiction seems to be accompanied by a lot of shame. Brene Brown has done large amounts of research about shame and says the difference between guilt and shame: Guilt is "I have done something bad". Shame is "I AM bad" Shame is a focus on Self. "I AM a mistake". Guilt is a focus on behavior. "I made a mistake" She says if you were to put shame in a petri dish, there are 3 things that will make it grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.
I don't like the shame. I think it's a huge reason why so many addicts never recover. Or why they become addicts in the first place. And according to Brene, the antidote to shame is to douse it with empathy. Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. We can't fight shame unless we talk about the things that are causing the shame.
Addiction runs in my family. On both sides. My brother is an alcoholic/addict. He tried alcohol for the first time at a very young age at a neighbors house. He was caught with marijuana at school for the first time in the 8th grade. He slowly spiraled out of control with drugs and alcohol throughout high school until he eventually became a non-functioning alcoholic/addict (unable to keep a job, have a place to live, provide basic means for himself, etc.) . His drug of choice is alcohol, but he has also abused nearly every drug you can imagine, some of which I'm sure I don't know about (and don't want to know about).
He has been through countless rehabilitation programs (I honestly lost track). Some more effective than others but none able to keep him sober for any significant amount of time. He has been in and out of jail over 50 times (mostly for public intoxication charges). This does not count the nights he was put in the "drunk tank". His longest stay in jail was about a year. I was grateful he was in jail (oh the irony of that). Because I knew he was "safe" and he was alive. Very telling that I felt he was more safe in jail than he was out of jail. Even the time he was locked up in jail with significant and debilitating injuries after being beaten badly on the streets (he claims by cops). I still felt he was safer in jail. My sister and I showed up at court one day and literally begged the judge to put him in jail. My brother was, understandably, pissed. The judge complied.
He has been transported by ambulance to nearly every ER in the Salt Lake Valley, has been in the ICU at least 4 times I know of, and has spent several weeks (on more than one occasion) in the psychiatric ward. His medical history is pages and pages (and pages) long. He was also homeless for a period of time, spending time at the VOA (Volunteers of America) detox center--God bless those people, as well as the Road Home, a shelter for homeless people. Or just passed out on the streets in whatever city he happened to be in.
In June of 2011, my brother was drunk walking/staggering in the dark, tried to cross a busy road (at least that's what we presume), and was hit by a car going approximately 40 miles an hour. He was life-flighted to the hospital. Two police officers showed up at my parents house late that evening and told them Burk had been involved in an auto-pedestrian accident. "He has head trauma and has been life flighted to the hospital". That was all they could tell them.
My sister called me with the news. She was on her way to the hospital. I told her to call me when she got there to tell me how bad it was. This may sound shocking to some people. You'd think that when a family member has been life-flighted to a hospital in critical condition with head trauma and multiple broken bones, everyone would jump in their cars and be on their way. But this wasn't the first (or second) time he had been life-flighted. Nor was it the first (or third or fourth) time he had been transported to ICU. So I was waiting to see how "bad" it really was. He has literally cheated death dozens and dozens of times.
That's what addiction does. It slowly desensitizes the people around you. So injuries or events that once seemed traumatic start to become "routine".
My sister called me an hour later and said "It's bad. You should probably get down here". At that moment, I didn't know whether to pray for him to live or pray for him to die. Yet another horror of addiction. If the addict you love is "bad" enough, sometimes you want them to die--for all the pain to end. For their sake. For your sake. I'm not proud of those feelings nor am I ashamed. Just being honest. When it feels like there is no hope for recovery, and your addict apparently has no "rock bottom", death feels like the merciful solution for everyone.
He lived (after a 3 week stay in ICU and 1 week stay on a regular floor with a 24 hour "guard"--for his safety and the safety of the medical staff). His months and months of recovery after the accident was nothing short of hell. For him AND for all of us who helped him live.
I've felt nearly every emotion possible for my brother through his decades of addiction. Anger, frustration, disgust, pity, as well as love, empathy, and compassion and every emotion in between. Oh the anger. For the hell he put my parents through. For the hell he put our family through. For the hell he put himself through. Oh the compassion. For the worthlessness he felt, his lack of control, and the torment and utter misery he went through.
I've stopped to pick him up off the side of the road, face-down in the dirt, waving people off who were trying to call 911 (or the police). I've also turned him away when he showed up at my door in nothing but a hospital gown and his ICU bracelets. I didn't even know he had been in the ICU. And he had nowhere else to go. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
Depends on the day. The hour. The moment. The situation. My tolerance level. The other people (or kids) I need to "protect". There never seems to be a right answer or an easy road. And ultimately, all I could control was how I let it affect me. I couldn't "fix" him. I couldn't make him stop. He was/is broken. But I guess we all are in some way or another.
But I can say I have never been embarrassed of him. I have always proudly claimed him as my brother even during his worst moments. And I have always believed in his ability to DO more and BE more. I have told him this countless times throughout the years. And I meant it with every fiber of my being.
I think I can attribute this to two things. First, knowing my parents love him (and all their kids) NO MATTER what we did/do. That doesn't mean they approved of some of his life choices, but I have never doubted their love for him (or me). And second, I know every person has worth no matter their actions. I believe in second chances (and third and fourth and fifth chances too).
Something my brother often said when we begged and pleaded for him to stop using: "You have no idea what it's like to be an addict." My response was always "And you have no idea what it's like to be the person who loves the addict."
I hope to use this space as a safe place to talk and educate others about addiction. A safe place for the addicts. And a safe place for the people who love the addict. I plan to share more stories and experiences I have personally had with addiction and my brother. I have also asked several other people to help me as well. Stories from people who love addicts.
And if nothing else, I hope we can build a community of people who can support each other and help each other through the often unbearable world of addiction and life in general.
So stay tuned. There's much more coming.
If YOU or someone you love suffers from addiction, first of all, do NOT watch the show intervention. More importantly, I get it. I do. You are NOT alone. Hang in there. Please hang in there. And find help. Addicts do NOT get better on their own. The people who love them don't either.
If you made it all the way through this, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I realize addiction comes in many shapes and sizes. And the experiences are varied. My experiences, heartaches, triumphs, and lessons learned were largely shaped through the world of addiction to drugs and alcohol.
Addiction seems to be accompanied by a lot of shame. Brene Brown has done large amounts of research about shame and says the difference between guilt and shame: Guilt is "I have done something bad". Shame is "I AM bad" Shame is a focus on Self. "I AM a mistake". Guilt is a focus on behavior. "I made a mistake" She says if you were to put shame in a petri dish, there are 3 things that will make it grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.
I don't like the shame. I think it's a huge reason why so many addicts never recover. Or why they become addicts in the first place. And according to Brene, the antidote to shame is to douse it with empathy. Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. We can't fight shame unless we talk about the things that are causing the shame.
Addiction runs in my family. On both sides. My brother is an alcoholic/addict. He tried alcohol for the first time at a very young age at a neighbors house. He was caught with marijuana at school for the first time in the 8th grade. He slowly spiraled out of control with drugs and alcohol throughout high school until he eventually became a non-functioning alcoholic/addict (unable to keep a job, have a place to live, provide basic means for himself, etc.) . His drug of choice is alcohol, but he has also abused nearly every drug you can imagine, some of which I'm sure I don't know about (and don't want to know about).
He has been through countless rehabilitation programs (I honestly lost track). Some more effective than others but none able to keep him sober for any significant amount of time. He has been in and out of jail over 50 times (mostly for public intoxication charges). This does not count the nights he was put in the "drunk tank". His longest stay in jail was about a year. I was grateful he was in jail (oh the irony of that). Because I knew he was "safe" and he was alive. Very telling that I felt he was more safe in jail than he was out of jail. Even the time he was locked up in jail with significant and debilitating injuries after being beaten badly on the streets (he claims by cops). I still felt he was safer in jail. My sister and I showed up at court one day and literally begged the judge to put him in jail. My brother was, understandably, pissed. The judge complied.
He has been transported by ambulance to nearly every ER in the Salt Lake Valley, has been in the ICU at least 4 times I know of, and has spent several weeks (on more than one occasion) in the psychiatric ward. His medical history is pages and pages (and pages) long. He was also homeless for a period of time, spending time at the VOA (Volunteers of America) detox center--God bless those people, as well as the Road Home, a shelter for homeless people. Or just passed out on the streets in whatever city he happened to be in.
In June of 2011, my brother was drunk walking/staggering in the dark, tried to cross a busy road (at least that's what we presume), and was hit by a car going approximately 40 miles an hour. He was life-flighted to the hospital. Two police officers showed up at my parents house late that evening and told them Burk had been involved in an auto-pedestrian accident. "He has head trauma and has been life flighted to the hospital". That was all they could tell them.
(the helicopter that brought him to the hospital)
My sister called me with the news. She was on her way to the hospital. I told her to call me when she got there to tell me how bad it was. This may sound shocking to some people. You'd think that when a family member has been life-flighted to a hospital in critical condition with head trauma and multiple broken bones, everyone would jump in their cars and be on their way. But this wasn't the first (or second) time he had been life-flighted. Nor was it the first (or third or fourth) time he had been transported to ICU. So I was waiting to see how "bad" it really was. He has literally cheated death dozens and dozens of times.
That's what addiction does. It slowly desensitizes the people around you. So injuries or events that once seemed traumatic start to become "routine".
My sister called me an hour later and said "It's bad. You should probably get down here". At that moment, I didn't know whether to pray for him to live or pray for him to die. Yet another horror of addiction. If the addict you love is "bad" enough, sometimes you want them to die--for all the pain to end. For their sake. For your sake. I'm not proud of those feelings nor am I ashamed. Just being honest. When it feels like there is no hope for recovery, and your addict apparently has no "rock bottom", death feels like the merciful solution for everyone.
(took this right before he was rushed into emergency surgery for a shattered leg)
He lived (after a 3 week stay in ICU and 1 week stay on a regular floor with a 24 hour "guard"--for his safety and the safety of the medical staff). His months and months of recovery after the accident was nothing short of hell. For him AND for all of us who helped him live.
I've felt nearly every emotion possible for my brother through his decades of addiction. Anger, frustration, disgust, pity, as well as love, empathy, and compassion and every emotion in between. Oh the anger. For the hell he put my parents through. For the hell he put our family through. For the hell he put himself through. Oh the compassion. For the worthlessness he felt, his lack of control, and the torment and utter misery he went through.
I've stopped to pick him up off the side of the road, face-down in the dirt, waving people off who were trying to call 911 (or the police). I've also turned him away when he showed up at my door in nothing but a hospital gown and his ICU bracelets. I didn't even know he had been in the ICU. And he had nowhere else to go. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
Depends on the day. The hour. The moment. The situation. My tolerance level. The other people (or kids) I need to "protect". There never seems to be a right answer or an easy road. And ultimately, all I could control was how I let it affect me. I couldn't "fix" him. I couldn't make him stop. He was/is broken. But I guess we all are in some way or another.
But I can say I have never been embarrassed of him. I have always proudly claimed him as my brother even during his worst moments. And I have always believed in his ability to DO more and BE more. I have told him this countless times throughout the years. And I meant it with every fiber of my being.
I think I can attribute this to two things. First, knowing my parents love him (and all their kids) NO MATTER what we did/do. That doesn't mean they approved of some of his life choices, but I have never doubted their love for him (or me). And second, I know every person has worth no matter their actions. I believe in second chances (and third and fourth and fifth chances too).
Something my brother often said when we begged and pleaded for him to stop using: "You have no idea what it's like to be an addict." My response was always "And you have no idea what it's like to be the person who loves the addict."
I hope to use this space as a safe place to talk and educate others about addiction. A safe place for the addicts. And a safe place for the people who love the addict. I plan to share more stories and experiences I have personally had with addiction and my brother. I have also asked several other people to help me as well. Stories from people who love addicts.
And if nothing else, I hope we can build a community of people who can support each other and help each other through the often unbearable world of addiction and life in general.
So stay tuned. There's much more coming.
If YOU or someone you love suffers from addiction, first of all, do NOT watch the show intervention. More importantly, I get it. I do. You are NOT alone. Hang in there. Please hang in there. And find help. Addicts do NOT get better on their own. The people who love them don't either.
If you made it all the way through this, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
{Disclaimer: My intent is not to exploit addicts or the people who love them. My intent is to hopefully help dispel some of the shame associated with addiction. To empathize with those who love the addict. And to help addicts understand their worth and inherent right to be loved. My brother is aware I am writing about him and has given me his express verbal permission to do so. I am also fiercely protective of my brother, so if you have something unkind to say about him specifically, please keep it to yourself. He's his own worst critic. Trust me.}
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
"Real Life Stories--Women of Inspiration" My cousin, Lanie.
Lanie is my cousin. So we've known each other since we were babies. Growing up she didn't live close to my family, but each summer she'd come spend a week or so at our house and I always looked forward to it.
Lanie is one of those people who are just good to their very core. Very relaxed, down-to-earth, always up for adventure, and an amazing mom. She's also friendly, easy to talk to, and easy to be around.
And she's one of those people who can have her hair in any style or color imaginable and still look amazing. Score for her.
Here we go:
1. Give me a quick peek at your story.
Well, my name is Lanie Wilkinson. I am a 35 year old mom of 3 and wife of 13 years. I always like to define myself as that first because those are the 2 accomplishments I am most proud of in my life. I've moved around a lot in my life but most recently lived in San Francisco, Portland, and have recently moved to Utah. I studied Special Education at Utah State University. I love to read, cook, hike and camp with my family. I love to experience new things and new places and I get restless if things stay the same for too long!
2. Tell me about an "every day moment" you are grateful for.
My youngest is a 5 year old boy. His sisters are both in school so it is just the two of us at home during the day. Every day without fail, he crawls on my lap, puts his chubby hands on my cheeks and says, "I love you mama!" It's such a small thing but it melts my heart every single time and is such a gift to me!
3. What is one ambition you have right now
I have always wanted to use my education in working with children with disabilities to help those in other countries where there are not services for those with disabilities. My husband and I spent some time in Ethiopia a few years back and it was so heartbreaking to see that the people that had disabilities there had no way of working, no homes to take care of them, no school accommodations. I would love to work to help develop programs to serve those people.
4. If you could speak on anything to a large group of women, what would you talk about?
Ah this is a hard one! To be honest, I don't feel qualified to talk to a large group of women. I get easily intimidated by all of the amazing people around me. But I guess I would talk about the need we have as women and moms to be an influence for good in our children's lives. I think about this a lot. As I have gotten older and have my own family, I see women that set amazing examples for their kids or other children in their lives. I think we need more of that in our world. We need to be examples of strong women who stand up for what we think is right. That is what I want my kids to take away from me as their mom.
5. What does the phrase "create a good life story" mean to you?
I love this phrase! When I hear that I think of "creating experiences". Making memories with the people you love most sounds like a "good life story" to me.
6. Tell me something someone taught you that made an impact on your life
I feel like I have been blessed to have a lot of amazing people in my life that are constantly teaching me things. But I would say one of the most important lessons I have learned has been from my mother-in-law. She has taught me to laugh about almost everything. She has gone through a lot of hard things in her life but she has learned to put on a smile and find humor in almost everything. I am trying to be more like that.
7. Name one event in your life that has made a significant impact on the course of your life story
My decision to stay home with my children. I know it isn't for everyone and not everyone who wants to is able to. But when we moved to San Francisco so my husband could go to medical school, I had an amazing job offer to work at an autism school in Oakland. I knew the money would help with medical school but I had one daughter already and another on the way. I knew they needed a parent to be available to them, especially with how busy Justin would be in med school. I really feel like the decision to turn down that job and stay home with my kids has had more impact on my life story than almost any other decision I have made.
8. What is something you want to accomplish you haven't yet?
Lots of things! Bike the Oregon coast with my family.
9. What photographs are you most grateful for from your childhood or teen years?
I love the photos withy my grandparents and family
10. What are you most proud of?
My kids for sure. They are better than I could have imagined!
11. What is the best parenting advice/tip someone gave you?
Someone told us one that before they had kids they had a million theories on parenting and since they've had kids, they have none. I thought it was funny at the time but now I realize it's true and you have to always be changing your tactics!
12. Tell me something you are sure of
I am so sure of my faith
13. What is your favorite quote or your life motto?
I always tell my kids to "Have a Sunshine Day".
14. What is your favorite part about yourself (not a physical trait)?
This is always a hard question to answer but I would say my ability to talk to people.
15. What type of photographs do you wish you had more of?
Definitely more of us as a family. I am always behind the camera and rarely get pictures of all of us.
16. What is something you do to help drive away fear or anxiety?
Exercise and clean--they both make me feel more in control!
17. What is your favorite part about being a mom? Your least favorite part (just keepin it real on this question--I know you love your kids)?
Favorite part--seeing my kids grow into the people they are, watching the choices they make and how they learn. Least favorite part--cleaning up after everyone, constantly!
18. Tell me something about yourself that may surprise people
I really hate waking up in the morning. I am NOT a morning person at all!
19. What's one thing you wish you would have known when you were younger?
How important it is to be nice to everyone! I don't think I was mean to people but I wish I would have always remembered to include others and go out of my way to be kind to them. Now that I have kids in school I am constantly harping on them about that.
And for fun:
Favorite book: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Favorite family tradition: Seafood on Christmas Eve
Something you enjoy doing with your spouse: going out to eat at new restaurants
Talent you wish you had: singing
Favorite meal: Indian Food
If you never had to do one specific thing again, what would it be: clean the shower!
Favorite show on TV: Parenthood
Something that scares you: tidal waves
Favorite thing about your husband: his ability to leave work at work and be present with us at home
Something you can't live without: Ghirardelli dark chocolate and caramel
What's something you think about often: beach vacations
Thanks for doing this Lanie!! Glad I get to claim you as family.
If you want to read more "Real Life Stories--Women of Inspiration" interviews, click HERE.
Lanie is one of those people who are just good to their very core. Very relaxed, down-to-earth, always up for adventure, and an amazing mom. She's also friendly, easy to talk to, and easy to be around.
And she's one of those people who can have her hair in any style or color imaginable and still look amazing. Score for her.
Here we go:
1. Give me a quick peek at your story.
Well, my name is Lanie Wilkinson. I am a 35 year old mom of 3 and wife of 13 years. I always like to define myself as that first because those are the 2 accomplishments I am most proud of in my life. I've moved around a lot in my life but most recently lived in San Francisco, Portland, and have recently moved to Utah. I studied Special Education at Utah State University. I love to read, cook, hike and camp with my family. I love to experience new things and new places and I get restless if things stay the same for too long!
2. Tell me about an "every day moment" you are grateful for.
My youngest is a 5 year old boy. His sisters are both in school so it is just the two of us at home during the day. Every day without fail, he crawls on my lap, puts his chubby hands on my cheeks and says, "I love you mama!" It's such a small thing but it melts my heart every single time and is such a gift to me!
3. What is one ambition you have right now
I have always wanted to use my education in working with children with disabilities to help those in other countries where there are not services for those with disabilities. My husband and I spent some time in Ethiopia a few years back and it was so heartbreaking to see that the people that had disabilities there had no way of working, no homes to take care of them, no school accommodations. I would love to work to help develop programs to serve those people.
4. If you could speak on anything to a large group of women, what would you talk about?
Ah this is a hard one! To be honest, I don't feel qualified to talk to a large group of women. I get easily intimidated by all of the amazing people around me. But I guess I would talk about the need we have as women and moms to be an influence for good in our children's lives. I think about this a lot. As I have gotten older and have my own family, I see women that set amazing examples for their kids or other children in their lives. I think we need more of that in our world. We need to be examples of strong women who stand up for what we think is right. That is what I want my kids to take away from me as their mom.
5. What does the phrase "create a good life story" mean to you?
I love this phrase! When I hear that I think of "creating experiences". Making memories with the people you love most sounds like a "good life story" to me.
6. Tell me something someone taught you that made an impact on your life
I feel like I have been blessed to have a lot of amazing people in my life that are constantly teaching me things. But I would say one of the most important lessons I have learned has been from my mother-in-law. She has taught me to laugh about almost everything. She has gone through a lot of hard things in her life but she has learned to put on a smile and find humor in almost everything. I am trying to be more like that.
7. Name one event in your life that has made a significant impact on the course of your life story
My decision to stay home with my children. I know it isn't for everyone and not everyone who wants to is able to. But when we moved to San Francisco so my husband could go to medical school, I had an amazing job offer to work at an autism school in Oakland. I knew the money would help with medical school but I had one daughter already and another on the way. I knew they needed a parent to be available to them, especially with how busy Justin would be in med school. I really feel like the decision to turn down that job and stay home with my kids has had more impact on my life story than almost any other decision I have made.
8. What is something you want to accomplish you haven't yet?
Lots of things! Bike the Oregon coast with my family.
9. What photographs are you most grateful for from your childhood or teen years?
I love the photos withy my grandparents and family
10. What are you most proud of?
My kids for sure. They are better than I could have imagined!
11. What is the best parenting advice/tip someone gave you?
Someone told us one that before they had kids they had a million theories on parenting and since they've had kids, they have none. I thought it was funny at the time but now I realize it's true and you have to always be changing your tactics!
12. Tell me something you are sure of
I am so sure of my faith
13. What is your favorite quote or your life motto?
I always tell my kids to "Have a Sunshine Day".
14. What is your favorite part about yourself (not a physical trait)?
This is always a hard question to answer but I would say my ability to talk to people.
15. What type of photographs do you wish you had more of?
Definitely more of us as a family. I am always behind the camera and rarely get pictures of all of us.
16. What is something you do to help drive away fear or anxiety?
Exercise and clean--they both make me feel more in control!
17. What is your favorite part about being a mom? Your least favorite part (just keepin it real on this question--I know you love your kids)?
Favorite part--seeing my kids grow into the people they are, watching the choices they make and how they learn. Least favorite part--cleaning up after everyone, constantly!
18. Tell me something about yourself that may surprise people
I really hate waking up in the morning. I am NOT a morning person at all!
19. What's one thing you wish you would have known when you were younger?
How important it is to be nice to everyone! I don't think I was mean to people but I wish I would have always remembered to include others and go out of my way to be kind to them. Now that I have kids in school I am constantly harping on them about that.
And for fun:
Favorite book: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Favorite family tradition: Seafood on Christmas Eve
Something you enjoy doing with your spouse: going out to eat at new restaurants
Talent you wish you had: singing
Favorite meal: Indian Food
If you never had to do one specific thing again, what would it be: clean the shower!
Favorite show on TV: Parenthood
Something that scares you: tidal waves
Favorite thing about your husband: his ability to leave work at work and be present with us at home
Something you can't live without: Ghirardelli dark chocolate and caramel
What's something you think about often: beach vacations
Thanks for doing this Lanie!! Glad I get to claim you as family.
If you want to read more "Real Life Stories--Women of Inspiration" interviews, click HERE.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Double digits
Today I officially have a child in the double digits. In 10 short (yet sometimes oh so very long) years, she's taught me more than most people in my life. She made me a mom first. And she, along with her 3 siblings, make sure I earn my title.
We are alike in so many ways. And very different in other ways.
Sometimes I look at her and think "Wow, she looks SO much like I did at that age" And sometimes she'll do/say something that reminds me of how I was as a child.
This girl loves to be in charge and is very good at doing it. She's a take control kind of kid and very rarely says "I'm bored". She creates fun. If she wants something, she goes after it. Relentlessly. And she is more observant than any other human I have ever met. She takes a mental inventory of everything and everyone around her. She knows where things are. She remembers what people say. If I have misplaced something (which is embarrassingly often) she always knows where it is. Always. And she worries. A lot. About everything. Which she (unfortunately) gets from me. Sorry.
Though we certainly have our moments of disagreement, I love to be around her. We've been through some pretty rocky moments together, but we continue to love. We've also had ridiculous amounts of fun together.
It's fun to watch her personality develop. She is laugh-out-loud funny and sometimes grit-my-teeth dramatic. And I never ever know what to expect from her. She continually surprises me every day.
Happy Birthday "J". We sure like having you around.
We are alike in so many ways. And very different in other ways.
Sometimes I look at her and think "Wow, she looks SO much like I did at that age" And sometimes she'll do/say something that reminds me of how I was as a child.
This girl loves to be in charge and is very good at doing it. She's a take control kind of kid and very rarely says "I'm bored". She creates fun. If she wants something, she goes after it. Relentlessly. And she is more observant than any other human I have ever met. She takes a mental inventory of everything and everyone around her. She knows where things are. She remembers what people say. If I have misplaced something (which is embarrassingly often) she always knows where it is. Always. And she worries. A lot. About everything. Which she (unfortunately) gets from me. Sorry.
Though we certainly have our moments of disagreement, I love to be around her. We've been through some pretty rocky moments together, but we continue to love. We've also had ridiculous amounts of fun together.
It's fun to watch her personality develop. She is laugh-out-loud funny and sometimes grit-my-teeth dramatic. And I never ever know what to expect from her. She continually surprises me every day.
Happy Birthday "J". We sure like having you around.
(Photo of me at roughly the same age)
Please note my little brothers rolled socks. I die.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Show up.
A few things on my mind lately.
"You DO have something to say, we do have something to contribute and if we don't because of fear, we're letting people down who are counting on us to show up."
Seth Godin
And the other.
We all have something to give. We're all meant to show up. As we are. As ourselves.
I can do it. You can do it. Just keep showing up.
"You DO have something to say, we do have something to contribute and if we don't because of fear, we're letting people down who are counting on us to show up."
Seth Godin
And the other.
We all have something to give. We're all meant to show up. As we are. As ourselves.
I can do it. You can do it. Just keep showing up.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Singing about God and Christ to a crowd of Muslims, Jews, and Christians.
I have been saddened by the recent conflict in Israel. I lived in Jerusalem for 4 months in the winter and spring of 2000 while studying at the Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies (i.e. the BYU Jerusalem Center) and grew to love the people there, both the Israelis and the Palestinians. I sympathize with both groups and pray for the Peace of Jerusalem always.
The people there LOVED the "Mormons" as we were affectionately known. They didn't refer to us as Americans (which was, unfortunately, a good thing--Americans aren't well liked over there).
When you are accepted into the program in Jerusalem, one of the "rules" is you aren't allowed to talk about your religion to the people who live there. Ever. For any reason. If you are caught discussing religion (even if you answer a simple question) you will be sent home. So if anyone asked anything, we were told to say "I can't talk about that". No "Yes's" or "No's". Nothing. Many of the people there knew this. And they'd try to trick you. We got really good at saying "I can't talk about that".
But. For some reason, we were able to SING about our beliefs in God and Jesus Christ within the Jerusalem Center (we couldn't go around the streets singing the answers people asked us, although that could have been wildly entertaining).
During that semester we formed a large student choir with over 100 members. We often sang during church services and at the end of the Semester, we hosted a concert held in the Upper Auditorium. The same room we held church services in. Not sure how they expect anyone to pay attention with a view like that.
At the end of the semester concert, we were allowed to invite the public. Anyone of any ethnicity or religion was permitted to attend. The room was full to capacity. Full of Muslims, Jews, and Christians, Palestinians, Israelis and Americans.
And we sang to that room full of people. About God. And about Jesus Christ.
And the people cried.
And we cried.
When it ended, the choir filed into the foyer to greet people as they left. And as those Muslims and Jews and Christians shook our hands, and smiled at us with tears in their eyes and left one by one, someone spontaneously started singing "I am a Child of God". And the rest of us joined in. And the people stopped. And the ones who had left the building started coming back in. And there we all stood, seemingly so different, and yet so much alike. With the SAME God and the same hopes for happiness and peace, and feeling the same spirit.
We bore our testimonies of love and God and Jesus Christ through song. And for that brief moment, we were all ONE.
Truth is, we're all more alike than we are different. We all yearn for happiness. We all yearn for peace. We all yearn for love. And we're all loved by the same God. Who loves us all equally no matter our ethnicity or religious background. This I know.
"Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee. Peace be within thy walls, and prosperity within thy palaces."
Psalms 122:6-7
(photo courtesy of Nate Spicker--a student who attended with me)
(photo courtesy of Nate Spicker)
The people there LOVED the "Mormons" as we were affectionately known. They didn't refer to us as Americans (which was, unfortunately, a good thing--Americans aren't well liked over there).
When you are accepted into the program in Jerusalem, one of the "rules" is you aren't allowed to talk about your religion to the people who live there. Ever. For any reason. If you are caught discussing religion (even if you answer a simple question) you will be sent home. So if anyone asked anything, we were told to say "I can't talk about that". No "Yes's" or "No's". Nothing. Many of the people there knew this. And they'd try to trick you. We got really good at saying "I can't talk about that".
(photo from Center website)
But. For some reason, we were able to SING about our beliefs in God and Jesus Christ within the Jerusalem Center (we couldn't go around the streets singing the answers people asked us, although that could have been wildly entertaining).
During that semester we formed a large student choir with over 100 members. We often sang during church services and at the end of the Semester, we hosted a concert held in the Upper Auditorium. The same room we held church services in. Not sure how they expect anyone to pay attention with a view like that.
(photo courtesy of Nate Spicker)
At the end of the semester concert, we were allowed to invite the public. Anyone of any ethnicity or religion was permitted to attend. The room was full to capacity. Full of Muslims, Jews, and Christians, Palestinians, Israelis and Americans.
And we sang to that room full of people. About God. And about Jesus Christ.
And the people cried.
And we cried.
(photo from Center website--Upper Auditorium)
When it ended, the choir filed into the foyer to greet people as they left. And as those Muslims and Jews and Christians shook our hands, and smiled at us with tears in their eyes and left one by one, someone spontaneously started singing "I am a Child of God". And the rest of us joined in. And the people stopped. And the ones who had left the building started coming back in. And there we all stood, seemingly so different, and yet so much alike. With the SAME God and the same hopes for happiness and peace, and feeling the same spirit.
We bore our testimonies of love and God and Jesus Christ through song. And for that brief moment, we were all ONE.
(Photo from Center website)
(photo I took at the Garden Tomb)
"Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee. Peace be within thy walls, and prosperity within thy palaces."
Psalms 122:6-7
Monday, August 4, 2014
To help you use up some of your zucchini
These "zucchini boats" are good. Really good. AND good for you.
Normally I'm not a huge fan of ground turkey. Maybe because when I cook it, it has a weird gray color. But when you add the Taco seasoning it's a game changer.
Recipe.
Cut zucchini in half and carve out the middle (I use a spoon)
Cook 1 pound of Jenni-O ground turkey on the stove. When it's fully cooked, add a little water and Taco seasoning (as much seasoning as you prefer--I like it more mild)
Spoon cooked turkey into the zucchini. Add cut up fresh mushrooms and olives (or whatever toppings you like).
Cook at 400 degrees for about 7 minutes. Then add some mozzarella cheese and continue cooking for about 5 more minutes or until zucchini is tender when stabbed with a fork.
Fast. Easy. And healthy.
I'm still trying to warm my kids up to zucchini. They aren't big fans. So I just put the extra ground turkey and toppings in a corn taco shell for them.
The original idea for this came from an Instagram account I was following but now can't find. Probably because one of my kids accidentally un-followed them. Anyway, it was tweaked from that to our liking.
Normally I'm not a huge fan of ground turkey. Maybe because when I cook it, it has a weird gray color. But when you add the Taco seasoning it's a game changer.
Recipe.
Cut zucchini in half and carve out the middle (I use a spoon)
Cook 1 pound of Jenni-O ground turkey on the stove. When it's fully cooked, add a little water and Taco seasoning (as much seasoning as you prefer--I like it more mild)
Spoon cooked turkey into the zucchini. Add cut up fresh mushrooms and olives (or whatever toppings you like).
Cook at 400 degrees for about 7 minutes. Then add some mozzarella cheese and continue cooking for about 5 more minutes or until zucchini is tender when stabbed with a fork.
Fast. Easy. And healthy.
I'm still trying to warm my kids up to zucchini. They aren't big fans. So I just put the extra ground turkey and toppings in a corn taco shell for them.
The original idea for this came from an Instagram account I was following but now can't find. Probably because one of my kids accidentally un-followed them. Anyway, it was tweaked from that to our liking.
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